I like to play with my toys. At any given moment, in my room, you can hear my silly self making a bunch of firepower noises as I push my figures through a variety of action-packed, imaginary adventures. So, I decided to write a new column just for this board -- aptly titled Play Patterns.

My focus is on toys that're more-or-less still available to the average collector who're interested in playing with their toys. Excessively new toys will hardly ever be touched on, given that Philadelphia is in the f'n Stone Ages when it comes to toy distribution. You may ask why I'd bother to write this considering there are several other well-written columns just like this. Well, to put it very mildly, I like most of the stuff I buy.

Today's focus is on the Funskool Razorback, an Iron Grenadiers vehicle.. mostly because I got it today. Philly-native, Jersey-convert DoctorKent was kind enough to give me this item unassembled free of charge. I guess he feels I don't have enough oddball toys or something.

There's a lot of people who have said, "The latest Cobra vehicles suck. They're too far out." Clearly, these folks have no idea what they're talking about -- Cobra vehicles have been hella far out since 1988, when Hasbro rolled out the Iron Grenadiers subset. Yes, the only person (if he wasn't fictional) to blame for such ass-crazy designs is none other than Destro. Maybe all the fumes from the mask cleaning solutions he used finally made him a little loco. Or maybe the Baroness let him get a little too coked up for his own good. Either way, in 1989, the Razorback rolled off of the M.A.R.S. assembly line and into our hearts.

At first glance, well, I don't know what the hell this is exactly. It's this bright orange thing with grey and black details. It has eight wheels, a big horkin' double cannon stuck in a plastic bubble, missiles on the side, an antennae, and a radar dish. It's essentially two pieces, because the thing contorts itself to achieve an elevated mode. In this elevated mode, the cockpit is essentially a wall. Yes, the two poor Cobra schmucks sitting in this thing have presented themselves akin to a babboon with a bright red butt. They have extended an open invitation for someone to blow their silly selves up. What could possibly be achieved by having an elevated mode where the drivers are literally sitting dorks?

Then it hits me, much like a four hundred pound woman would if I didn't Leggo her Eggo. This ain't no frontline vehicle! This thing elevates so that its big horkin' laser cannons attached to that bubble can have an easy time of fraggin' the enemy from hella afar. Add in those missile racks (4 on each!) and you've got superb coverage against aerial targets or laser-impervious ones. Long-range fire support, baby. That ain't too bad!

Also, the Razorback features a long antennae and a retractable radar dish. Obviously, you can use this item to regulate the movements of your Cobra team with its powerful communications suite.

This toy has fairly flexible wheels that seem to let it traverse any treacherous ground condition. Its rear panel can be removed, revealing some neat engine detail that can be used for maintenance play or even to demonstrate damage. Finally, what is really a neat touch, are the three "seatbelts" included with the item, enabling you to keep your figures well situated within their compartments.

Given its bright orange colors, I'm going to use this with my Sand Scorpions. I think it'll be a decent desert-use item for them.

Conclusive Play Values:

Gimmick: Two modes (flat and elevated), rotating bubble turret, removeable engine cover, retractable radar dish, tow hook.

Figures: 7 (2 in driver's compartment, 1 in bubble turret, four on rear foot pegs)

Quality: Adequately rugged. Some of the stressed tabs concern me, though.

Overall: You could use it. Find it cheap and you'll be happy. The stickers work well, much to my surprise.

If you're interested in getting your own Funskool Razorback, only www.TheStoreOn44.com currently has it in stock for twenty five dollars. That's not too bad considering most online stores have since stopped refreshing their Funskool vehicle stocks. Other sites may also carry this item, but in my opinion, charge way too much for it.

-H